on a personal note: i think this last experience with loss has made me overlook the fact that i'm being blown off by someone that i care about. it's my own fault. i got impatient and i pushed. i just hate being swept off to the margins without any sort of consideration or anything. hopefully i'll be like those smarty pants who get treated like dirt and use the experience to liberate myself from this fixation upon my growing affinity for jerks. sometimes a spade is just a spade.
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