this site mirrors my exploration into the evolution of social consciousness in tech and society. currently i am completing my undergraduate curriculum in applied math and science for a dual degree program. so i'm looking into schools with great eco design and ecological engineering programs to finish up my degree. my current minors are in physics and SENS (sustainability and environmental studies).
Labels: campus life, creativity, overwhelmed, uncertainty
Posted by tEkgurl at 2:12 PM 0 comments
I wrote that this morning, after waking up freakishly early and waiting for all of the orientation stuff to begin. I met with my advisor today and they had some sort of luncheon [with which my vegetarian options consisted of hummus and pimento sandwiches... I now know to eat before I attend anything~ like with holiday functions at home]. Then we attended a dedication. There may have been something about a walk and some goodbyes or something, and I felt myself getting all misty eyed when the school president gave his speech about the parents supporting and encouraging their kids and letting them go. I know exactly why I got restimulated by it. I just was trying at that point to fight back tears as I averted my gaze from the empty lawn chairs beside me. I must've been visibly agitated or something, because one of the ladies that I'd met from academic services came up and gave me a hug... and honestly I needed it too much to be weirded out by it [thank you rc].
Anyway, we attended a dedication ceremony and had lunch with our advisors. Then, I got to forgoe the next part of the schedule, because my living arrangement is different than everybody else's so I just talked to some of the women from the African Student's Union about my career plans and went home and did some laundry. I have to tell you, I have never really used faric softener before, but what a difference it makes. I once heard some comedian joking about how married women mark their territory by using fabric softener and my goodness... I can see why. Who's going to want to leave that!?!
Even Gandhi, kind of felt that it was a bit presumptuous for the British government to be trying to play the role of guardian and mediator when they were alien to the problems that existed in that particular country, even though I will admit from time to time, in extreme cases that intervention may be necessary... but there should be some sort of active task force present to seek out those who are most qualified and accountable for determining who should take on the responsibility of controlling the local government. It certainly shouldn't be the foreign party. I could see them protecting whomever the people would want in place or overseeing safe elections, but in terms of tyrannical rule, I don't think so.
On the same hand, I was on the other side of the equation this summer of being the person of privilege coming into an unsafe and veridically "barbaric" environment trying to "fix" things and ultimately only creating problems for myself~ which only caused it to internalize it even more. Here it was I had become Rudyard Kipling's stereotype, and I wasn't even a white man... and while there were things going on that I had to intervene in [against my desire of course]... my better judgement told me that I never should have put myself in that position in the first place. I thought that by "slumming it" that I'd be able get a little bit of character development and make a positive impact upon the environment by being cool and leading by example, but really, I was the only one who came out affected and it's going to take a lot of inner work before I can let go of some of that internalized oppression and be able to experience anything fully without being overly cautious and paranoid that there is some underlying devious thing accompanying it.
I know that it seems that my acculturated perspective could be misperceived by some as militant or uncooperative [and to some who don't understand where I'm coming from, they may even perceive me as being flat out racist] but I assure you that I am not. I was actually reading some of the stuff Goswami was talking about in relation to all being one in terms of consciousness, [which is kind of ironic actually] and I had some questions about that as well. To put it in a metaphor, my understanding of it is this:
A blade of grass is totally different in its manifestation than maybe another blade. It may be similar, come from the same source or be from a different area entirely, but it is not the same blade of grass as the other. By the same token it is all still grass. It has the same composition, or similar makeups and characteristics that allow it to be defined as such. The thing that we must still remember to consider, however, is that even though it is all still grass, as we define it; what it means to be a blade of grass in the prairie is different than what it means to be a blade of grass on a golf course, or in the woods, or by the beach, or in the desert.
The same goes for people. We may come from the same origin, or if you don't believe that, we most certainly are derived from the same primordial soup. We have genes and DNA and a chemical composition that determines that. But because our environments and our experiences are so different, and even in instances where they are similar, there is a vast difference in significance in each and every individual, some noticable and some in ways that are much more subtle. One seemingly insignificant person could simply provide the roots necessary to keep their environment flourishing and intact [as in grass and erosion] or provide nourishment and life to something greater [maybe not a cow, but a mind or a movement] that will in turn be a part of a system of things that are necessary to sustain a greater purpose. And there are all other kinds of grass/people metaphors that I could use [we could simply be used to move things, or process waste, depending upon how that stuff is allowed to be deconstructed].
So our differences matter as well as the ways in which we are similar. The universal truth is that we are both. It is in that variance and in our differences that we are challenged as we try to achieve balance, we are conflicted, and we are challenged creatively toward progression and transcendence. I know this is coming out of multiple schools of thought, and believe me, I'm a lifelong scholar of them all... But I think that coming from all of these perspectives and having experience with these bi-linear schools of thought [assimilative & inclusive versus acculturative viewpoint in which race and class really matter] I think it will be interesting to further understand the point where these dichotomies converge. But if not a liberal arts college, I don't know where else I'd really get a chance to observe it.
It seems though that the faculty here are genuinely committed toward our success and development. You certainly wouldn't get this level of attention anywhere else. I'll definitely be interested in hearing more alternative perspectives of it. Perhaps it could provide me with some further insight. I'm just trying to be as receptive as I can, but it's honestly going to take a little bit of time for me to get immersed in things to the point where I can leave that baggage behind me and just take the lessons from it and move ahead. Unfortunately, that is going to require me to sift through some of the misinformation I'd taken on as well, but it shouldn't been difficult. I can already feel the difference in my consciousness between now and several months ago and how differently I've handled and reacted to challenging situations. I just hope I continue to move in the right direction and don't let myself get caught up transferring my stuff onto other people.
Already I've had to kind of scold myself for trailing off into negativity from time to time. I seriously have to tell myself "don't mess around and sabotage this experience. Get it together!" in order to snap myself out of my distress. I also have to really notice and stop myself from my compulsion to want to do things and fix things for people. They don't have any ibuprofen or can't find the health food store or bike shop and I'm like I'll find out and take them there. But now I have to stop myself at scribbling down the phone number or address. I think it's that corporate service upbringing of never saying no and going the extra mile. It kills me to not do all the work for other people, but if I'm going to survive here, I'm going to have to draw the line somewhere. Otherwise it'll be all about other people and I'll be scrambling to fit myself into the equation. I'll get it figured out though. Now that I know it's a chronic pattern I can begin to really work on it.
I know I put this up on the other site, but I was a big fan of my results from this self-actualization assessment. I retrieved these test results from the following site: http://www.assessmentgenerator.com/cgi-bin/coachingassessments/generate3.cgi
Labels: campus life, correspondence, creative musing, mwi, poem, theory, uncertainty, we are all one
Posted by tEkgurl at 9:49 PM 0 comments