I've FINALLY found THE ONE....

I just had THE MOST transcendent experience (ever...). I was behind schedule the other day [when I originally scribbled this in my steno pad] and running around on like 4 hourse of sleep, trying to make sure that I was keeping up on my assignments, even though it seemed that it was my professors who were unprepared and late that day. By the time 5 o clock rolled around, I was just ready to unload some of those bricks they call books from my tote bag when my computer stalled rebooting. It was wierd, it gave me sort of a red flag that something that I'd done or was doing was causing me to be misaligned or something, like my vibration was off. I was probably missing something or forgetting to do something relatively important. So naturally, I opened my email to scan the names and make sure I hadn't missed a committment.


There were a few emails from friends and student groups. There was one that caught my eye because it was for one of the student groups that I eventually want to be a part of, but I'm kind of stretched thin with classes I knew that I wouldn't be able to participate this semester. Also the name on it caught my eye because I'd initially assumed that the email was from someone in my study group but the last name didn't match. When I realized that it wasn't from who'd I'd initially thought, and after I looked at the clock what was supposed to be happening finally caught up with me.

"OH" I cried out loud. "I [forgot] I was supposed to go to that Buddhist thing!" (and the weird thing was is that I'd checked it off in my calendar as the next place that I should go)... but nevertheless I was still late.

Somehow I convinced myself that if I hurried that I could just quietly slip into the back of the room and catch the lecture. I had only been in the building once, and I'm pretty adept at finding my way around. So when I discovered that what I assumed would be a gallery or small auditorium was actually a classroom hidden behind frosted block glass and that the door was positioned at the front of it, I grew a little alarmed.

My first instinct was to try the doorknow. It turned downward, but after giving it a meager push, I realized that if I forced it open I'd risk REALLY disrupting the class. So I started to feel a little disappointed. I did, however, notice a cracked door with someone working quietly behind it. "Yes," I thought. He could give me the proper protocol for these types of situations~ [Wow, it didn't occur to me until that moment that I am almost NEVER late for things... to the point where I didn't know what to do in that situation... that's not bad]

... I went to the door and melodically chimed, "knock, knock" That's when I noticed that the name on the door. "THATwas so and so from the email!!!!" I had assumed that since it was for a student group that it had been sent out by a student. In fact I think the email was for the first meeting of the African Student Union. I'd wanted to participate but I had a scheduling conflict. But what started out like a bizarre coincidence ended up being a major blessing though... and the rest is history....

I have found my 1st mentor!!!!
[here... or at least the most relevant to my experience. Yay!]... and believe me, I've been phishing. We started the discussion with my intention to attend the event, and the first thing he did was look at his watch and his face cringed and he says to me, "I thought it started at 5 o clock..." If you'd seen the reaction, you would have wanted to laugh, because it was totally an expression that I would have made [with the face and the sidebar instead of just saying, yeah, that's not going to happen].

I was like, "I KNOW..." and explained what happened and he assured me that he could certainly relate to being spread too thin. He was still trying to unpack his office.... So I looked around at the boxes to sort of see what his tastes were. His library was quite impressive and the general assumption that I made was that he must have taught anthropology or something due to the artifacts on his shelves.

To confirm this belief, my eyes fell upon a picture of some Egyptian ruins that he had posted on the wall over his desk. We referenced it and asked him who it was, and we talked about Egyptian Gods... at some point I specifically referenced my past fascination with Ahknatan and the metaphysical aspects of his contributions to monotheism. That led to a discussion about my own experience with trying to write a book about Quantum mechanics and the similarities in metaphysical principals and how I'd independent derived many universal truths at an alarming rate... I mentioned how I'd started going to temple for lack of better mentorship to make sense of the quantum mystical experience that I had begun to experience and that led to a brief reference to my hospitalization and the psychiatrists attitudes regarding my need "to find a more mainstream religion" and then he explained what happened to me was fundamentally an issue of not my pursuing the metaphysical aspects of it but rather my "taking on too much too soon"... that I had probably tapped into something that I hadn't been prepared for and how it would be beneficial to continue with proper guidance and by pacing myself.

He also explained that perhaps, rather than abandon it I approach it much more slowly and methodically and he invited me to come back by his office again. [it was funny because we'd gone from him needing to on his way out in 10 minutes, to being intrigued enough with my story to ask me to sit and have the in depth conversation... which I'd never really had with a grown up before]. That was cool. His basis for understanding and teaching was based upon a lot of muslim denominations that I was unfamiliar with, but he did mention the Sufis... which is what Joel was [my ex... whom I dated during the time I was going through all of that and had a relative understanding of what I was going through]. Evidently, we weren't the only ones out there that had "put ourselves through the ringer" so to speak as they search for universal truths and seek knowledge. But we both, (the professor and I) agreed that most people did not want to do the work because and I felt as if they were too intimidated by the paradigm shift of what letting go of some of their past beliefs would mean, and he attributed to the allusion that many "can't get past the idea of a physical manifestation of God...

I FEEL SOOOOOOOO REAFFIRMED to finally have found someone who gets it, and can explain so eloquently what happened and should be happening with me. PLUS, they have the knowledge and tools to give a little bit of direction into what I might be able to do with it. And more than likely, if they've had that conversation with me, there are others out there that they might know who sit around and discuss these types of things all the time, including their own experiences. Ironically, I know that I'm going to have to find a new advisor... I've been forewarned and those warnings have been more or less accurate. Perhaps I could seriously consider asking him to be my academic advisor. Although, it may be beneficial to have someone in the field of study like applied math and science. But if I want to coordinate my academic experience with what I'd want to do, and write essays and such about Ghandi's waste management plan and how his urban environmental efforts relate to social justice and community development in impoverished areas, there could be some significant work that could be done, and if nothing else it would give me an excellent research project to work on before I graduate. Hmmmmm!!!!!

I thought that I wanted to collaborate on a project with one of my phys ed buddies on alternative energy, service learning and prison reform.... and who knows, perhaps we could still work on that over short period. But I think that would be an excellent avenue, the research project, to do some of my most significan work. I may need to seriously consider that... Hit me back and let me know what you think... But I'm pretty sure that I'm going to pursue it. My moral compass is like completely in alignment with that choice....

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Wave Collapse and the Quantum Self

So as I mentioned I was reading Goswami's book about Quantum creativity, which is hard to keep up with because I keep finding myself trailing off trying to make sense of some of the philosophical and quantum mechanical aspects of his theory and references, and I found it interesting that my mind keeps revisiting the subject of wave collapse. After reading Dana Zohar's book The Quantum Self several years ago, my basic understanding of it is that in terms of identity that the "quantum self" is the point of convergence in which many of the multiple aspects of our identites converge/collapse into a single definitive and "aligned" identity that correlates with our sense of our "authentic selves" [which could be alternatively be described by Gary Zukav's book The Mind of the Soul: Responsible Choice].

Anyhow, in correlating this concept with Goswami's work, the best understanding that I can derive from his explanation of wave collapse in relation to Bohr's foundational principles of quantum energy and the theories of "discontinity" is that the so called point of collapse is in fact [or let's go with in theory], where observation converges with the point that we define as a discontinuous leap. But how can we prove that such leaps are discontinuous when according to Newton's laws energy can neither be created nor destroyed? It would seem that at some point, whether we observe it our not that energy is either expelled TOWARD a new context or FROM some point of reference as the known context of what we are observing shifts in significance within our perceptive consciousness. [I would seriously have to over simplify how latency works at a later date in order to elaborate into detail what I am talking about].

I guess the question that still kind of resides in my mind is, when we are talking about uncertainty and correspondence principals, is there an actual "wave collapse" or does it merely appear that way due to our subjective point of reference and limited perception and observance?

We are talking quite a bit about diversity at school here in terms of ethnicity and religious and interfaith principles as well. I am aware that there are vast correlations that occur between physics and many of the eastern theologies [and even, if you wanted to take it there, the very basics of gnosticism and judaism] in terms of light energy and connection and those energetic principles. It kind of leaves me feeling a bit of unnerved to discuss with other people, my own beliefs because I know that a lot of people aren't thinking from the mindset of talking about consciousness and my own personal experience is quite unique as to how I awakened to it... and I haven't had the opportunity to really discharge on it yet, because I haven't really found anyone to discuss it with that would understand what I went through or could help me develop a better understanding of how to grasp how to use this information.

So I've actually done quite a bit of work on my own, seeking out literature and online resources to get a better understanding of it all and how to apply it, but it creates a barrier I think when it comes to being able to discuss it with other people, because if people are unfamiliar with it, it creates this whole other confusion, or disinterest, so I just leave it alone and work on it alone, [which has its purpose, I suppose, but can become a very alienating pattern and I know could be enriched if I could find a network of indivduals who come from a similar background and can help me in terms of direction and guidance toward this "spiritual" journey. Yeah, so if there are any quantum mystics out there, or people who have a thorough understanding of how to steer people toward discovering and revealing various aspects of their consciousness, I'd love to hear from you.

One thing that I'm still having difficulty being able to discern is how the convergence of the "quantum self" connects us with "one consciousness" aside from being composed of the characteristics and classification as we would classify subects in species and phyllums and such, which I could see as making us alike, but not necessarily the same. I'll definitely add more about this kind of stuff as I progress. I am actually looking for a free moment and the courage to relate my own experience with quantum mysticism, reform judaism, and my own "awakening" process, but it actually involves a lot of components to it that resulted in my being hospitalized and diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder because I didn't have anyone there to better explain to me what was going on. I'm sure that there are other people out there who have encountered similar experiences, who may or may not be able to articulate it better than I can. If so I'd love to hear from you. I've been looking for support groups and mentors to discuss this kind of thing for over 3 years, so if you're out there or can refer me to someone, please feel free to shoot me an email.