Are they really making Ameros?

so it occurred to me that even though we haven't really had a chance to talk that I it might be beneficial to take advantage of some of the wonderful technology that I've been taking for granted. I left a SIFE presentation tonight, primarily because I wasn't content with how the panel had chosen to address some of the concerns. I left also because I had quite a few questions regarding the economic impact of the financial markets and I thought that rather than disrupt the panel with my bleak and loaded questions that it might be better served to dialog with someone who was a little less biased on the issue. That being said, I am aware that there have been times that I have been prone to paranoia. A discussion that I had about the Ameros, however, has stimulated some deep thought that I may need to get a little bit of clarity on before I spend time ruminating over the issue.



Ameros
I did read a little bit about the rumored currency and I haven't quite decided how I feel about it. I'm not exactly clear on who is pushing to unify the currency and what their motivation is behind it. It seems that with three large centralized monetary systems that the potential for a considerable amount of conflict could arise particularly considering that the three governments propsed for the arrangements operate on three such different paradigms. I don't know that it would be beneficial for Mexico or Canada to devalue their own financial markets to accomodate such a finicky and fluctuating consumerist culture here that is driven mostly by erratic market trends. While I can't say the same for Mexico, Canada appears to have a lot to lose from entering into such an agreement with the united States, because this country doesn't really have all of its "ducks in a row" when it comes to the universal funding of its healthcare and educational systems. If the markets continue to deteriorate here, even with the adoption of the new currency, that's not going to leave those Americans left with any sense many options of places to run to ;) .

In all seriousness, I'm beginning to feel that before any other nation could consider making such a bold and risky move, there would have to be more evidence of financial stability and cohesiveness in the activities of each nation's markets in order to be most effective. Because each of the economies are based upon such different modes of implementation and are central to such different types of lifestyles, I don't know that having a unified currency would serve the best interest of those whom we'd like to see benefit from making such a move. As you alluded earlier, it would probably take something quite drastic to push these nations into such a hasty agreement without having an intricate system of checks and balances in place, and I haven't seen where any of these nations have demonstrated the capacity to implement something this delicate without there being a ridiculous amount of opportunities for corruption to take place. Who would be in charge of ensuring that this system wasn't exploited to the detriment of the rest of us, whom they've failed to involve? Would the national treasuries be in charge of circulation or would they have to organize a new agency to handle these matters? Who would make this determination and who would decide who to put into place in order to bring these changes about?

I just worry that trying to spread our poor economic influence over other nations with are growing debt isn't going to create more problems for us in the future. It kind of feels like the Great Britain cycle of spreading itself out too thin which inevitably met its demise. I can't tell if we're deregulating our own faulty system or creating one that's going to be even more detrimental to everyone in the long run. But then, if the American dollar has deflated as much as it has been rumored, then perhaps we won't have much of a choice. Perhaps I'm looking at this from the wrong perspective. In that case, by all means, please direct me where I can get a better understanding of the issue.



Deflating Markets
I also had questions about that crisis someone was talking about. I watched this video and Colin Powell seemed very definitive about the affirmation that there would be a crisis. Is this based upon existing intelligence or speculation? Have you heard anything further about this assertion? It sounds very dangerous whatever it is and I pray that it has nothing to do with our financial markets. It did get me thinking, however, about a few questions.

• Who stands to benefit if our markets collapse?
• Is there someone or some organization out there that is pushing for that kind of a crisis?
  Do you think that people here would purposely create the conditions for a situation like that to happen?
• If so, what lengths do you think that they'd be willing to go and how do we best prepare ourselves?
• If not, and it hypothetically happens ourside of our domain, how are crisises like this generally handled?
• How do you think the new administration would respond? I don't know that we can continue to pull bailouts and stimulus packages out of thin air. Would we even have enough funding and support to fix it?
• Is there way to prevent something like that from occurring, or are we doomed to the ill fates brought about by others?
• How effective would martial law even be and would they be able to even implement it with the state of credibility that the united states government and military (not to mention funding) has lost over the years?

And I suppose the biggest question upon my mind is should I be paranoid?

I feel like I have spent years avoiding thinking about worse case scenarios, and yet when they occur I find that my biggest distress comes from not having been adequately prepared. I certainly don't want to see things degenerate into chaos, but if something climactic like that were to occur, I'm going to have to start making a lot of ethical decisions about what I'm going to be willing to stand for and I would just like to have an idea of what I'm up against. You certainly aren't obligated to answer any of these questions. I just think in lieu of tonight's topics that it was good for me to get some of it off of my mind. I didn't know who to ask about my concerns and you seemed to be the most knowledgable on the subject, so you kind of got to be the lucky candidate.
-"phi*G"

"By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The non-existent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired."
-- Nikos Kazantzakis

Election Day Blues

After two botched elections
I can’t bear to watch
I just hope for the best
And move forward
I just hope that the people
who are voting
will remember
Exactly what we’re moving toward

A historic election
Though they may often find
They don’t care much for the choice
But the choice, it does matter
And they should choose wisely
When they exercise their voice

Popularity doesn’t matter
lives are at stake
It's the fate of the world
can't you see
I just hope they remember
When they fill out their ballots
use prudence
And vote responsibly

I have already voted
Now the rest is contingent
Upon what other people decide
In the meantime I’m hiding
Scared of what they’re deciding
And I pray that they pick the best side

Inside I could explode
Watch my future implode
Based on who other people select
I just hope they’ve all learned
From the bridges we’ve burned
And they’re mindful of who they elect

Will tomorrow be sunny
Or will I take of running
Off to new lands
I’d have to explore
Or will they do us proud
Etch history in the clouds
And proclaim that our future’s restored.

I know that I must admit
That it show’s little faith
In the democratic process
I just hope for the best
And I pray that we’re blessed
And we’re all met with future success

Amazing footage....

I stumbled across these today

Rocking out the good grades

So the darndest thing happened. I got my midterm grades back and I got one B..... and the rest were A's. I don't know what that means. I've been goofing off a lot. Well really I've been overwhelmed sort of with my work load and down on myself for not managing my time better, but evidently all of that paranoia is paying off.

But then again, something else happened. My workload like tripled. Oh, no!!! Now I have to really apply myself. That means no more extended meals, no more FACEBOOK, well at least not for as long a period of time anyway. I spent the weekend doing some inner work and trying to get caught up, but really I've been stressing myself out unnecessarily in the wrong areas. I'm going to have to work on that.

I did get some good poetry written last week. I was kind of proud of that. But we had an internet outage over the weekend and some things didn't get done and while you think that I would've been much more productive being forced to separate myself from the technology, it was quite the opposite. I did get to play the drum though for a gig, although I may have directly blacklisted myself from any further engagements after the fact with a little social faux pas that I made later when I was leaving the music building. We'd have to discuss that at some other time. Plus some of the boys have been distracting and I've been wrestling with the idea of coming across as some sad old cougar, so I've been hiding myself in my circle of friends to make sure that I don't make any innappropriate decisions regarding them and that's worked pretty well. I think I've pretty much worked all of those hormones out of my system with a little bit of chi harnessing. It's amazing how putting things into a more zen perspective can totally alter your state of mind. Now I just need to let go of this catharsis and get back to work.

I just thought I'd update those of you who were concerned and hadn't heard from me in a while. Some of my friends aren't doing so well. But now I don't feel so guilty about alienating myself from them this past couple of weeks to get some work done. I really could use some new tunes (indie and neo soul) so that I can have more incentive to focus. A really good friend of mine, who will probably end up as our valedictorian sent me a playlist today to cheer me up, which was really sweet. I love the people with whom I've chosen to associate. I really hope they all are here with me for the duration. That being said, let me do my part to make sure that I get to stay here.

"If a man devotes himself to the instructions of his own unconscious, it can bestow this gift [of renewal], so that suddenly life, which has been stale and dull, turns into a rich unending inner adventure, full of creative possibilities."
-- Marie-Louise von Franz

Or so I tell myself... My attempts to counteract Math Anxiety

Here are some musings of my relationship with my math homework….

(which I correlated with Sandra Anne Taylor's excerpts about creating more substantial relationships).... It's a little out in left field but it makes perfect sense to me.

I promise there's a method to the madness....

If you put out a certain type of energy you will receive results that are often a reflection of that particular energy. In a relationship as Sandra Anne Taylor says “if you put out a nervous energy than you will attract a fearful mate in return or if you are critical of yourself than you will attract a mate who is critical of you as well. As well as if you put out passive energy, you will either attract a mate with that same passive energy or you will attract someone who will try to dominate you to exert their energy through you”.

The same attitude can be applied to our relationship with our studies. If we are nervous about our assignments, that scattered energy is going to reflect in partial retention. We’ll only remember bits and pieces of the information. If we are critical of your assignments, you’re limiting yourself in that you are not maximizing the full potential of yourself to immerse yourself in the material and receive a variety of favorable results from them and your output in you assignments becomes questionable as well. If you are passive about doing your assignments, either you will be equally as ineffective about learning the material or you will let that anxiety dominate you by playing those fears out through you which will probably adversely affect the way you approach the problems as well as your potential results.

Don’t be a victim when you make a mistake, because it inhibits your ability to learn from them. That means don't be so hard on yourself or blame the professor for why you don't understand the material. Learning math is about learning how we make mistakes as well as learning how we approach these inconveniences and how we go about trying to correct them. Math is about teaching us more effective ways to think and strategizing to correct our thinking when there is something in it that is causing us to make errors. Hmmmm…. My thinking needs to be improved…. Maybe I will do some math problems …. I just need to read this repeatedly whenever I find myself averting my focus from it and remember that it’s more than a job or an assigned task. It could be the very thing that could possibly bridge the gap between here and a MUCH better life. I may like the one I have now, but it could totally exceed my expectations if I take the material a bit more seriously, and respect and enjoy the process instead of being reluctant to participate. Think of it as another form of service learning, only this time it is a service that you are doing is for yourself. Sweet….

Behold... a good relationship with one's self, and what they learn or choose can become the key to enlightenment

Heeeeyyyyy

I haven't talked to some of you in quite some time especially since I no longer have a phone. I just wanted to let you know that I am doing well and I'll try to contact you sometime this week. I've had midterms this week and I'm not quite done yet so it's been a bit of a challenge staying in touch. I apologize if any of you were worried and I look forward to hearing from you soon. Feel free to email me and EVENTUALLY I will respond.

Managing my Time: Finding Incentives

So I've had some issues come up with time management which is why you haven't heard from me in a while. After doing a little bit of a time assessment, the realization came to me that I am juggling a lot more than I anticipated and still not exploring some of the key things that I wanted to be a part of. I did a little audit and I'm not sure exactly how I managed to do so, but I have somehow amassed 7 classes, two student groups, countless hours of Facebook time and have still managed to have a social life. While this appears to be impressive, or insane for those who have had experience with tightly packed schedules before, I have noticed that all of this overloading may be a primary contributor to my increasing lack of motivation. I've decided that before I continue to regress any further that I may want to take a moment to re-evaluate my primary objectives for being here and participating in the activites with which I am involved and formulate some new strategies for managing my time and my priorities better.

Currently our school is a proponent of the Quadrant Time Management model:

Which would probably be pretty effective if I used it more. The question then arises, when do I make time to map out my activities according to this quadrant model and integrate them into my schedule according to these goals. Currently I'm using a highlighting system in my agenda, when I use it. But I've noticed that as my schedule increasingly becomes more repetitive, that I am slacking on really even using all of the time management systems which I've implemented. The one exception being the Time Left alarm system and that's only because I customized an alarm that plays the most aggravating ringtone I could possibly come up with. Thank You Eric Cartman.

Honestly, I've noticed the past few weeks that I've been going to bed so late I've actually been waking up to my 3 am wakeup calls and rolling back over and going back to sleep which has thrown my schedule off the rest of the day because I put off my best quality of study time into the wee hours of the night. Because we had midterms this week I made myself go to bed around midnight, but I honestly felt as if this affected my ability to be prepared more so than sleep deprivation would have. So clearly I'm going to have to come up with ways to better manage my time and interest to make sure that I'm honoring my body's needs as well as accomplishing my academic objectives.



I haven't been able to really put all of my personal interests aside because I realize that pursuing them often seems to be the one motivating factor of reminding me why I am here. Where the problem lies, I think is that I am becoming less inclined to "stick to the gameplan" thus increasing my distraction level and reducing the amount of time that I spend getting things done within the time frame that I may allocate to do these things.

Ironically, I went to the Learning Center to see if they could give me some pointers regarding better time management, and despite my newfound tendency to procrastinate, it seems that I pretty much have been following their program fairly rigorously on my own. I do appreciate the input they gave me about skimming, but Ironically, I end up reading the full context of the material anyway but at a faster pace for fear of missing something.

While it may be no surprise, the biggest waster of my free time seems to be FACEBOOK which is ironic because for years I refused to even indulge the idea of signing up for it because I assumed that it would be a different kind of time waste. Having been out of school for 7 years and having known a lot of people whom I wish I could've stayed in contact with has resulted in my being much more engaged than I had initially anticipated, but I am thankful for the opportunity to re-connect with old classmates and friends. It has definitely enriched my experience here and kept me in a relatively good mood.




That being said, now that I have a free moment, I am going to have to really take into consideration the size of my ri-DON-culous workload before I kill off any last vestage of enthusiasm that I conceivable have left this semester. I did apply to participate in a contemplative writing course since the companies that I contacted did not respond about internships. But I do think that would be a beneficial experience to have just to unplug for a while. I wish I could schedule some contemplative time throughout the week just to decompress for a moment, but more often than not that's when I remember that I have to print off that paper or I opt to spend a little more time reviewing Chinese or talking with a friend instead. Now I see why people opt to go to church.

So what are some things that I could do to try to regain a little bit of focus for a while? It sounds like this would be a good area to consider during my contemplative time. I could even do a little bit of preliminary research to maximize the efficacy during some of my facebook time.

SCHEDULING DOWNTIME would be beneficial for sure, so that there is a distinct separation between when I am actually taking time for myself to veg out versus taking a scheduled break to get my mind clear enough to stuff it full of more information

IMPROVING THE QUALITY OF MY STUDY TIME
like finding better study locations, regulating my hours a little better
and breaking up my study time with constructive activites rather than vegging out might be a better avenue than spending time online and inevitably losing track of it.



BALANCING THE TIME SPENT LEARNING HOW TO DO THINGS VS ACTUALLY RETAINING THE INFORMATION is going to have to be worked upon for sure. Because at this stage of my development, one is sort of interdependent upon the other. Currently, though I am spending a lot more time learning how to learn things but I think that once I begin to follow through that I may actually do better on my quizzes and exams.

SPEAKING OF FOLLOWING THROUGH...
I'm also going to need to come up with some way to measure (quite freqently) my progress and whether or not I'm staying on track and some sort of incentive to correct it. Perhaps I'll establish some sort of point system where I add and deduct points for making sure that I'm working upon what I should be focusing upon and weighing those priorities and perhaps rewarding myself at the end of the week if I accomplish those objectives, with like an extra hour of sleep or a cocktail fund or something. Actually, I cocktail fund might work for me. I've been pretty dry since I've been here and even though there isn't much acessibility toward it, an occasional outing as a reward for staying focused might not be a bad thing....

I'd be grateful to hear any feedback if you can come up with better ideas

Portrait of an INFJ

Guess who's archetype changed again. Talk about situationaly creativity. I am beginning to think I am like a social chameleon or something. My archetype changes to meet the challenges that arise at each stage of my life. I took the test, actually I'm sitting in class right now waiting for further instruction, at the following site: https://mail.berea.edu/owa/redir.aspx?C=038e510d66c7452d97425f0463662b0d&URL=http%3a%2f%2fwww.humanmetrics.com%2fcgi-win%2fJTypes2.asp . My result was as follows: http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html

I especially liked the part where they talked about:

"INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.

In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.

The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement. "

Ironically however,

"Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals. "

That is me to a tee... Wow! I like how only 1% of the world's population is like me [ ; )#) Awesome!!!!

According to Keirsey (courtesy of yahoo)

"INFJs like to please others and tend to contribute their own best efforts in all situations. They prefer and enjoy agreeing with others, and find conflict disagreeable and destructive. What is known as ESP is likely found in an INFJ more than in any other types, although other types are capable of such phenomena. INFJs have vivid imaginations exercised both as memory and intuition, and this can amount to genius, resulting at times in an INFJ's being seen as mystical. This unfettered imagination often will enable this person to compose complex and often aesthetic works of art such as music, mathematical systems, poems, plays, and novels. In a sense, the INFJ is the most poetic of all the types. Just as the ENTJ cannot not lead, so must an INFJ intuit; this capability extends to people, things, and often events, taking the form of visions, episodes of foreknowledge, premonitions, auditory and visual images of things to come. INFJs can have uncanny communications with certain individuals at a distance. "

To read more about the INFJ go to:

http://www.geocities.com/lifexplore/infj.htm . It will blow your mind!!!!

"At work as well as socially, INFJs are highly sensitive in their handling of others and tend to work well in an organizational structure. They have a capacity for working at jobs which require solitude and concentration, but also do well when in contact with people, providing the human interaction is not superficial. INFJs enjoy problem-solving and can understand and use human systems creatively and humanistically. As employees or employers, INFJs are concerned with people's feelings and are able to provide in themselves a barometer of the feelings of individuals and groups within the organizations. INFJs listen well and are willing and able to consult and cooperate with others. Once a decision is made, they work to implement it. "

This makes me feel much better about my career goals and decision to pursue clean tech. Finally I get to do something or am doing something within alignment with my personal strengths and goals... can you tell i like online quizzes and assessments.... i wonder why...

What Your Taste in Music Says About You

Your musical tastes are energetic and rhythmic. You are full of energy and can be quite talkative. You are forward thinking and open minded. You despise conservatism of any sort. You are intense, detail oriented, and motivated. You are an ambitious person, though your ambition is anything but conventional.

What Does Your Taste in Music Say About You?

to be conscious

Consciousness

it's more than thought

at least i think

or have been taught

it's more than mind

and atmosphere

connects us all

and draws us near

is it more than divine light

does it make our choices right

how can we know

or do we guess

this enigma

called consciousness

like water's warmth

it permeates

our selves and grows

and resonates

until it fills our hearts and minds

and in that state we often find

a way of growth on higher plains

we struggle to find and obtain

but once we have

we hold on tight

to feel the warmth of inner light

an evolution

now are best

surrendering to consciousness

but are we feeling something there

we could be finding everywhere

and it is more how we respond

when obsolete ideas are gone

and we can finally see the truth

and rediscover inner youth

a rebirth and awakening

we can't explain

but helps us dream

i wonder then how it is that so

many of us don't even know

how to tap into

undefined

awareness states

be realigned

i guess we each

must find our path

and pray connection always lasts

and still we must keep on seeking

that higher state and true meaning

that we define here for ourselves

cause we can count on no one else

to drive our hopes

and fuel our dreams

except inspiring

conscious streams

i hope i have opened your mind

we'll talk about it

some other time

Happy Birthday Bro

Make a Smilebox greeting

So you have to check out this ecard i made. It only took me 3 and a half hours to iron out the logistics, but after I got the smilebox download and mastered the editing and conversion stuff, this was the end result. I even included a poem. I definitely encourage you to check it out and to wish Bliq, or Mook a Happy Birthday today. I won't be able to spend time with him because my mom is in town and it's easiest to keep the peace that way. But man, it's killing me not being there. He's the one that helped me get in here.

I may need to rethink this. I'm just trying to avoid a scandal because the thought of my mother only triggers massive amounts of anxiety and I'm worried that if she even looks at me half crazy, which is like all the time I am going to go "there". It's easier for me to be less disrespectful by just making my presence obsolete than to be there anticipating drama. Ugggghhhhhh. And I'm not just being petty about this either. I could tell his wife was not happy about having to spend the weekend with her alone. But I know it would end up far less pleasant had i made an appearance, particularly since she had my phone cut off and was telling people that i was an atheist to try to sabotage my living arrangements and stuff... among other things. Yeah, she's a piece of work. But anyway, that's not the point. [wow, i just totally made this post about her and she's not even here. I gotta work on that~ which i'm aware of, but it still happens. I definitely won't be able to see her until I get past that.

Urrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!! [discharge*] I'm pretty confident that I can work it out though... at least with myself. Like these guys... :

Anyway, my brother won't be reading this. I sent him his own copy free of mommy criticisms. I just have to lay low on Sunday at the spoonbread festival. [yeah, i don't know what that is either.] I just know that I'm opening it in the Afro Latin Percussion Ensemble. ... So that's excititing. Oh yeah, to get the full show, for the ecard, use the "back" and "next" keys under the word mook... that's kind of important. Perhaps if people would like, and time permits, I could customize some cards for a few close personal friends.

Much love

-phi*G

I've found abundance.... Yay!

"If we command our wealth, we shall be rich and free. If our wealth commands us, we are poor indeed."

-- Edmund Burke

It occurred to me this morning that I have everything that I've ever wanted, well at least for this year. It's time to make new goals I think. But I am so greatful for the wonderful support network that I'm cultivating, they're like family to me. I don't have to worry about money right now. I'm surrounded by excellent mentors. My ideas are finally in a medium where they can do some significant good. I'm making a difference in my own life and the lives of others. What more could a person ask for. This is indeed the simple life... It's La Dolce Vida for me. I only hope that those feelings last. But for now, my life is totally sustainable. I just want to give a special thanks for those who have gone out on a limb, or even extended one just to check in and say hello. Mucho props!!!

plus I discovered this on youtube today: http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=the+movement+episode&search_type=&aq=f now i can bring home the best parts of myself that i left behind.....

-phi*G

Procrastination

Putting Things Off
It makes me feel
I’ve prolonged the burden
Of getting things done
When all that I want to
Do, is just finish
So I could have time
To sleep or have fun

With functions and Pinyin
And chapters to read
Committed to learning
But still feel the need
For procrastination
And taking a break
And clearing out brain cells
So room I could make

I’d rather be acing
The things I avoid
And my fear of failure
Makes me paranoid
There’s Youtube and Facebook
And movies online
And blogging and texting
But who has the time

If only there were more
Moments in a day
And it didn’t matter
How I work or played
Reality, it seems
Keeps me coming back
And forces attention
And keeps me on track

But still my mind lingers
To words left unsaid
And me-mories, distractions
Dance round in my head
I just need to focus
And manage my day
I wouldn’t be tired
And feeling this way

But then I’m reminded
Of why I am here
I realize it’s nothing
But doubt angst and fear
But ultimately I love
The life that I live
I’ve so much to offer
And so much to give

I just need to focus
And to stay alert
And this poem’s not helping
But how could it hurt?
To stop for a moment
To just take a break
And remember the things here
I do have at stake

But mostly, I want to
Learn this and be done
And so I’ll go back to
Problem number one

I've FINALLY found THE ONE....

I just had THE MOST transcendent experience (ever...). I was behind schedule the other day [when I originally scribbled this in my steno pad] and running around on like 4 hourse of sleep, trying to make sure that I was keeping up on my assignments, even though it seemed that it was my professors who were unprepared and late that day. By the time 5 o clock rolled around, I was just ready to unload some of those bricks they call books from my tote bag when my computer stalled rebooting. It was wierd, it gave me sort of a red flag that something that I'd done or was doing was causing me to be misaligned or something, like my vibration was off. I was probably missing something or forgetting to do something relatively important. So naturally, I opened my email to scan the names and make sure I hadn't missed a committment.


There were a few emails from friends and student groups. There was one that caught my eye because it was for one of the student groups that I eventually want to be a part of, but I'm kind of stretched thin with classes I knew that I wouldn't be able to participate this semester. Also the name on it caught my eye because I'd initially assumed that the email was from someone in my study group but the last name didn't match. When I realized that it wasn't from who'd I'd initially thought, and after I looked at the clock what was supposed to be happening finally caught up with me.

"OH" I cried out loud. "I [forgot] I was supposed to go to that Buddhist thing!" (and the weird thing was is that I'd checked it off in my calendar as the next place that I should go)... but nevertheless I was still late.

Somehow I convinced myself that if I hurried that I could just quietly slip into the back of the room and catch the lecture. I had only been in the building once, and I'm pretty adept at finding my way around. So when I discovered that what I assumed would be a gallery or small auditorium was actually a classroom hidden behind frosted block glass and that the door was positioned at the front of it, I grew a little alarmed.

My first instinct was to try the doorknow. It turned downward, but after giving it a meager push, I realized that if I forced it open I'd risk REALLY disrupting the class. So I started to feel a little disappointed. I did, however, notice a cracked door with someone working quietly behind it. "Yes," I thought. He could give me the proper protocol for these types of situations~ [Wow, it didn't occur to me until that moment that I am almost NEVER late for things... to the point where I didn't know what to do in that situation... that's not bad]

... I went to the door and melodically chimed, "knock, knock" That's when I noticed that the name on the door. "THATwas so and so from the email!!!!" I had assumed that since it was for a student group that it had been sent out by a student. In fact I think the email was for the first meeting of the African Student Union. I'd wanted to participate but I had a scheduling conflict. But what started out like a bizarre coincidence ended up being a major blessing though... and the rest is history....

I have found my 1st mentor!!!!
[here... or at least the most relevant to my experience. Yay!]... and believe me, I've been phishing. We started the discussion with my intention to attend the event, and the first thing he did was look at his watch and his face cringed and he says to me, "I thought it started at 5 o clock..." If you'd seen the reaction, you would have wanted to laugh, because it was totally an expression that I would have made [with the face and the sidebar instead of just saying, yeah, that's not going to happen].

I was like, "I KNOW..." and explained what happened and he assured me that he could certainly relate to being spread too thin. He was still trying to unpack his office.... So I looked around at the boxes to sort of see what his tastes were. His library was quite impressive and the general assumption that I made was that he must have taught anthropology or something due to the artifacts on his shelves.

To confirm this belief, my eyes fell upon a picture of some Egyptian ruins that he had posted on the wall over his desk. We referenced it and asked him who it was, and we talked about Egyptian Gods... at some point I specifically referenced my past fascination with Ahknatan and the metaphysical aspects of his contributions to monotheism. That led to a discussion about my own experience with trying to write a book about Quantum mechanics and the similarities in metaphysical principals and how I'd independent derived many universal truths at an alarming rate... I mentioned how I'd started going to temple for lack of better mentorship to make sense of the quantum mystical experience that I had begun to experience and that led to a brief reference to my hospitalization and the psychiatrists attitudes regarding my need "to find a more mainstream religion" and then he explained what happened to me was fundamentally an issue of not my pursuing the metaphysical aspects of it but rather my "taking on too much too soon"... that I had probably tapped into something that I hadn't been prepared for and how it would be beneficial to continue with proper guidance and by pacing myself.

He also explained that perhaps, rather than abandon it I approach it much more slowly and methodically and he invited me to come back by his office again. [it was funny because we'd gone from him needing to on his way out in 10 minutes, to being intrigued enough with my story to ask me to sit and have the in depth conversation... which I'd never really had with a grown up before]. That was cool. His basis for understanding and teaching was based upon a lot of muslim denominations that I was unfamiliar with, but he did mention the Sufis... which is what Joel was [my ex... whom I dated during the time I was going through all of that and had a relative understanding of what I was going through]. Evidently, we weren't the only ones out there that had "put ourselves through the ringer" so to speak as they search for universal truths and seek knowledge. But we both, (the professor and I) agreed that most people did not want to do the work because and I felt as if they were too intimidated by the paradigm shift of what letting go of some of their past beliefs would mean, and he attributed to the allusion that many "can't get past the idea of a physical manifestation of God...

I FEEL SOOOOOOOO REAFFIRMED to finally have found someone who gets it, and can explain so eloquently what happened and should be happening with me. PLUS, they have the knowledge and tools to give a little bit of direction into what I might be able to do with it. And more than likely, if they've had that conversation with me, there are others out there that they might know who sit around and discuss these types of things all the time, including their own experiences. Ironically, I know that I'm going to have to find a new advisor... I've been forewarned and those warnings have been more or less accurate. Perhaps I could seriously consider asking him to be my academic advisor. Although, it may be beneficial to have someone in the field of study like applied math and science. But if I want to coordinate my academic experience with what I'd want to do, and write essays and such about Ghandi's waste management plan and how his urban environmental efforts relate to social justice and community development in impoverished areas, there could be some significant work that could be done, and if nothing else it would give me an excellent research project to work on before I graduate. Hmmmmm!!!!!

I thought that I wanted to collaborate on a project with one of my phys ed buddies on alternative energy, service learning and prison reform.... and who knows, perhaps we could still work on that over short period. But I think that would be an excellent avenue, the research project, to do some of my most significan work. I may need to seriously consider that... Hit me back and let me know what you think... But I'm pretty sure that I'm going to pursue it. My moral compass is like completely in alignment with that choice....

images found @ http://www.carolinebinch.co.uk/

Ups N Downs

pic taken from: http://www.stephenjendro.com/images/002_014_250.jpg

So, I had to forgo taking my Abilify for the past couple of days for lack of time and needing to stay awake to get assignments done. Plus there were a couple of moments of just needing a moment to myself. I've had a really hectic schedule. I apologize for not giving you the time that I'd like to. Plus I may be dealing with a little bit of internet addiction as well. I've kind of dealth with that by installing the Timeleft timer system[http://www.timeleft.info/] on my computer...and it's AWESOME. Here is the audio file http://funny-stuff.audio4fun.com/mp3-ringtones.php?page=crazy-ringtones&id=237 that I use on my timer to get myself on track. Click on yo-yo, bang, bang.

I'll show you some links of some of the other the cool things I've found this week, briefly. I have determinants to learn. Evidently the classroom isn't working for that topic. Thank goodness for this:

http://www.cliffsnotes.com/WileyCDA/CliffsReviewTopic/Linear-Equations-Solutions-Using-Determinants.topicArticleId-38949,articleId-38877.html

It may be one of the only cases in which the ethics on using something like this would not be in question.

As far as a brief synopsis of my academic and social life goes here it is:

Classes

Math: It's difficult, but I must say, hell hath frozen over. Math anxiety Monica scored her highest recorded math quiz grade ever, a 91%. Thank you Sheila Tobias. And thank you Joe's coffee shop for putting up with my countless hours of reviewing and studying over the summer and for the kick ass music (XMU) that kept me totally motivated to keep going. I miss you're faux Michelangelo replica of the "the creation" on the ceiling in which God comes down and instead of touching Adam's finger he's handing him a cup of Joe. That was brilliant. I also miss the koi pond. I hope they keep that area up. I feel stumped pretty much every day that I leave the math class: intermediate algebra and trig, but even though the math lab hasn't always been the best option for me, there seem to be a few nice people willing to aid me in my endeavors who know it on the higher level which is great for giving me alternative perspectives on how to solve some of these problems. So, yeah. I'll come back to that

Chinese: What can I say but that class is a beast. Every day I go I feel confident that I'll be adequately prepared, but by the time I leave I'm contemplating where to go and have a heart attack. If it isn't the tones, or the pronunciation it's the vocabulary itself that can be confusing because Mandarin is not synonymous with having formulated complete sentences. It explains a lot like why the women at the market use what we think of as broken English, or when I'm talking to someone who doesn't speak my language the lean their head to the side and act as if they're really having a hard time keeping up with the conversation as I try to describe things. Had I known I would have just kept things to two and three word fragments. But it's cool, they're here to learn and people appreciate that kind of sensitivity.
http://how-to-learn-any-language.com/e/languages/cantonese-chinese/tone-system.html
Technically I'm taking Mandarin, but I think they just got the label wrong.

Tech: It would be my favorite class if it were more structured and the jackasses in it took it more seriously. I look at the syllabus and I get excited, ooh power systems and environmental impact of industrial technology. Or yay videography and hooray for environmental intelligence. It's been giving me some great inspiration on the personal front, like reminding me of why I'm in school in the first place. I just wish I could remember to put my head there when I'm working food service....

Afro-Latin Percussion Ensemble
We have our first performance on the 21st. Since the class only meets once a week it's been challenging keeping up, but I'm one of the better beginners in terms of keeping up with rhythms and one of the worst it seems out of getting the tones out of the djembe, although I'd like to think it was just a bad drum. I just let my instructor think that it was improvement. But we had a very good talk after class about finding areas to practice outdoors, while the weather still permits. We got asked to stop last Friday by a campus cop on a segway (we'll come to that later), and since my professor was late for my music lesson it kind of threw me off... we'll come back to that in the next post... But he told me what I could work on and gave me some bass bass tone tone drills to do. So hopefully the school chaplain will let me borrow her djembe over the weekend so that i can practice some of the sacred Ghanian rhythms.

The movement: Veggie Board

Essentially there was some issue over the accessibility of preservative free, fresh veggies in the vegetarian line particularly for vegans, because we were like literally eating beans and rice and salad every day. So I set up a meeting before school started, met with some students and formed an unofficial, [notorious] underground veggie-based organization and used the feedback to sell the most incredible powerpoint i've ever done that was not for a class.... i had one that was close once, but i couldn't get the music coordinated with the presentation because the technology wasn't available yet. [well to people like me]... anyway, so i hooked it up [anyone who is interested in seeing it email me, I may integrate it into a slideshow at a later date.... or...



Ohhh.... Technology.....(yes)

Percussion: I've been looking for drums that are used and under $50. I don't quite understand paying over a hundred bucks that you can get for $16 that's handcrafted in Ghana. I would just need a used one, which I found on amazon for a great price until I can either study abroad or find a vegan handcrafted one somewhere for not too much.

Exercise: I want to get to the gym more. But I also want to pass my ridiculously hard classes. So my efforts have been limited to trudging around campus with the weight of my overstocked sara lee bag.... (tell kathy from the meat department the bag has become my signature). Everytime I want to go to the gym in the morning it is closed, cause evidently I get up too early. I may have to shower at the facility though. I haven't decided yet primarily because I like the idea of breakfast. But really I need the energy in the evenings, particularly when I work. Maybe if I can sucessfully reconfigure my schedule to college student hours rather than corporate hours I should be fine.

Freshman Boys... : Some of them are a little older, some of them are not freshmen, but still if I catch myself looking at one of them inappropriately I feel like all dirty like I'm some kind of pedophile. I was in college when most of these kids were still in elementary school. How eerie is that, that the hot guy that sits in front of me, who looked all goofy during orientation is starting to look hot now that they're doing conditioning and stuff and I'd say it pisses me off but it doesn't. It just make me feel bad about myself, until I can convince myself of something ridiculous like; I'm here to be a mentor to these cats or remember how much more devastating it is to date younger guys if you break up. You can't treat them like sh*t because there is that maturity factor and you can't be responsible for crushing their fragile little egos, particularly if they cheat or they are just wicked immature. Then you being in a relationship turns into you having to baby sit or train some dude how to respond to you. Then when it doesn't work out, you get to see your creation walking around wearing the shirts you picked out for him, holding hands with some chick that you've instantly decided that you can't stand. I'm serious DON'T DO IT. As Riley Freeman said: "Don't do it grandad, Don't feed her," I'm saying don't date those mutha f*ckaz.

If you happen to meet one in Jamaica, leave that sh*t there. You may think you've gotten your groove back, but when their mama or jealous psychotic ex comes looking for your ass you'll think, damn, why didn't I listen to Philosophergurl? I'm telling you. They may look all innocent and bright and shiny when you first see them and you'll think, "yay, finally someone who isn't dead inside, i gotta get in on that action" but this is a mistake. I repeat, this is a HUGE mistake. Realistically, unless you just straight up don't know the age, the best case scenario is that you become platonic lifetime companions. It's like dating your younger brother's friends... Of course they may want to, but you should totally know better. Unfortunately "women years" are like "dog years" to men. Unless you have the patience of mother freakin theresa, you better find a way to let that go. This hasn't quite registered with many men yet, which is why they get that complex where they become consumed by insecurity and they feel the need to control and micromanag
e their relationships. Don't believe me, look at some of the people you work with like that, or work for....

The support system: Back on topic I'm still trying to find a good solid support system. But I'm getting it here and there. I'm beginning to cultivate a little bit of an entourage and they are awesome. Some of these people are so self-actualized it makes me look like I barely take risks.... Me! But then again, I do it and then b*tch about it....

I've got more coming on that later. I've finally found the ONE...

(my Mentor) It's a cute little story behind it. People are already jealous.... I look forward to quoting him for stuff later.... Until then, I will leave you with this insight... Dr. X told me, that what probably has been happening to me is that I'm taking on too much too soon [in reference to my Quantum Mystical breakdown in combination with stress]. He did not agree that I should take on a "more Mainstream religion" as the psychiatrist from Georgia Regional hospital had advised but rather I should continue upon my search for truth but "pace myself". That's going to be my biggest challenge I know. I'm so used to forging ahead at lightening speed out of necessity, that there are times when I lose my focus. On that note I'm going to have to stop here and assure you that I will update these posts with cool visuals such as the ones from the white cap website [Put this on your media player.... you will totally thank me.... www.soundspectrum.com/whitecap/ ]

Coming soon (I decided I wanted the progression of this stuff to come at a more appropriate time, like tomorrow when I don't have any more assignments to worry about. Such as:

Update on my MAJOR debaucle....

Convo: Chasing the Flame b Samantha Power about deceased activist Sérgio Vieira de Mello and what I took from that...

Late night info & product search:
(at a reduced price)
kiyoseki http://www.kstyler.com/
mini fryer
djembe hand drum
silk head scarves
vegan food
winter apparel
trendy bargain tunics
and so on....

Sweded Videos: (yes, the movement has begun) I was thinking about doing an extended sweded black adaptation of the chronicles of Narnia in the spring and possibly the color purple and if they turn out well we could submit them to film festivals. Of course we'll have to change names, but they can totally get their props so you won't be calling my sh*t a rip-off. For those of you who don't know what "sweded" is either get flash and check out these clips, or go see the movie "Be Kind, Rewind" with Mos Def and Jack Black.


Did anybody see operation tropic thunder.... or whatever that movie was when robert downey jr plays a black man? how was that? Anyway, soooo off topic
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=sweded+videos&search_type=&aq=0&oq=sweded+v

Losing my mind in: Lunch Lady Land...

So who needs a counseling session? I do. Man, it's like my third day in my new labor position and I am a hot mess. I might've been cool if I could have just had a moment to leave and collect myself, but when they told me that we didn't get any breaks and the guy was like getting all loud and firm with me about "I should've done this..." and you're wrong, I went from seriously wanting to lose it to breaking down in tears. It wasn't all dramatic or anything. I tried to be cool about it, but damn it I'm old, and tired. I don't need five different people, who haven't even trained me micromanaging me all the time, and talking to me any kind of way. Their fast food management style may work at Dairy Queen, but this is a campus job. I'm just there so that I can keep my scholarship and there should be a million other places that I could go. Still I don't want to be a punk or a diva about it, so I tried to go in with the attitude that I should be honored to have the opportunity to do a little bit of grunt work to be able to go to school, but the working conditions there are a little too intense for me, I'm not even going to lie. I left the restaurant industry for good reason. That type of environment is too much for me, particularly with my history of being abused and let's face it, I'm old. I already have a lot of moral objections to how they operate the facility, and I tried to convince myself that if the other kids have to do it, then I need to suck it up and play my part. But seriously, working there is like being stuck in a giant hotflash, and I leave every shift feeling miserable and reluctant to show up the next time.





I've tried humor. The movie Office Space comes to mind and I keep myself entertained by coming up with elaborate schemes to get fired, like hi-jacking all of the meat and torching it in the quad or something in a form of protest. But I'm not trying to get kicked out of school. We just got done reading this book called Whistle While You Work, about pursuing your life's calling and that only makes me more resentful, which is contradictory to the Brahman standard that I'd adopted a few years back that it is honorable to want to be of service, because I don't feel like I'm being of service. I feel like I'm being dumped into a station, with no training, no music, no sense of belonging, and I'm certainly not being treated respectfully by my supervisors, and it's hard for me to want to own that. I know these guys are only doing their job, and they haven't really been trained how to train people so that they don't have to project their sense of crises mode onto what I'm doing... and I do it quite well, I might add. But seriously, these kids are like several years older than me and I don't want to have to feel like I'm having to make the choice between getting them straight or subjecting myself to being treated like an infant by some "12 year old".





This one guy lit into me after I asked him how the breaks worked, about an hour before we were supposed to leave and I firmly but professionally explained to him that there had been some discrepancies and lack of clarity regarding how that information was disemminated and he started acting like he was looking to get cussed out. I could feel it. My blood was boiling and I started getting really agitated, and when I get to that point it's like I can't even formulate complete sentences anymore except to calmly repeat any further clarification of what my grievance was, and by the time I figured out this dude wasn't listening, I just was like, "fine..." Man, that was a bad idea, cause then he was like, "oh, what you want to talk now? What did you have to say, go on say it." Then I started to tear up, and it called unnecessary attention to me, and people were looking and I had to go out to the back dock to have the talk.

"Gettin em told..."

I told the dude, my issue wasn't even about the food, I was just pissed about being talked to any kind of way and harassed by people, who didn't even make the effort to train me, but expected me to know everything. And it wasn't like I was standing around with my thumb up my ass.. Most of the time when I was getting interrupted from what I was doing, I was doing other work. I had a cart out on the floor and was stocking things. Then one person would as me to do something and I'd be like sure, let me just finish this up, then I'd go to do that thing and they'd be like, "what are you doing? Why aren't you doing this other thing? or we need you to do such and such in addition to what you're already doing because so and so didn't show up, or oh somebody else did that, why don't you go do this, and why isn't this stocked, and who did you ask cause they told you wrong...." that's what really got under my skin I think.... being reprimanded because someone else told me the wrong information if they did that. And it isn't like I wasn't asking for the information, they just were so unclear as if I was supposed to have esp or something and just magically figure it out.

Anyway, I explained it to the guy and he explained it to the other people and they treated me like a leper for the rest of the shift. It was fabulous.... No but seriously, what the hell? I don't know how I'm going to make it through the rest of the semester. I hate to be that person but I HATE MY JOB... and if there wasn't a lot more at stake I'd have just gone home or something. It's just too much for me. That stuff is pretty demanding, and I couldn't handle it before, and I haven't gotten any more adept at handling it now. School is difficult enough without the distraction of getting sucked into workplace drama. I don't know how I'm going to handle it, but I'd totally be open to any suggestions at this time.

From a different perspective....



Ironically, I had this epiphany about 2 hours into my second shift why cafeteria workers always look so miserable or depressed all the time. I don't know. Maybe you know some nice and pleasant ones, you may even know me, I try to put off that vibe when I'm working, mostly because I'm grateful that anyone even acknowledges me when I'm donning the hairnet. But seriously, it got me thinking about people who cop the "reverse discrimination" plea at places like U of M and Georgia. Those people complain that they don't think that it's fair that minorities get preferrential treatment for need based scholarship and work study programs. The reality is that most of those people get dumped in the sh*t jobs that nobody else on campus wants to work. The usually have loans, have difficulty adjusting to the curriculum because the revenue generated by their schools or the administration didn't have the foresight to adequately prepare for the collegiate experience and consequently they have to work like umpteenth times harder just to keep caught up, and they get treated like crap. They slave under inhumane conditions, and they're forced to grin in bear it or forever be tarnished with a reputation for having an attitude problem and targeted to be followed around and harassed.

Is there support for people like this? I doubt there's like a student cafeteria workers' or janitors' union or something. No they get treated like crap by their supervisors and yelled at by chefs and ignored by their fellow classmates. I'd love to see those people who are so quick to criticize the current affirmative action do some of that kind of work for any amount of time. But they take that kind of stuff for granted, the fact that a lot of these people are probably able to tolerate this kind of nonsense because it's probably the kind of work they were forced to do back home and they're used to it. Hell, they've earned those scholarships. As for me, I did it, but I'm old enough to have sense enough to know what is acceptable for me or not. That's just a little to intense for me, and by a little I mean a lot. I had to go out and smoke just to calm my nerves so that I could stop bawling. Thank goodness my RA was able to understand where I was coming from. If you go to my other site you can probably get a better sense of what I've dealt with and why this is so hard for me. I'm going to have to develop some better coping mechanisms if I'm going to stick this out. otherwise I'm going to have to make some drastic executive decisions.

I only lasted as long as I did in the industry as long as I did because there was unlimited access to alcohol and cigarettes for me and here, not so much. This is like a whole new paradigm for me. I've gotten so accustomed to taking things slowly and focusing on specific areas one at a time that when I get "weeded" I sort of hit the wall in terms of knowing how to deal with that. I don't quite know what avenue I'm going to take. But I think that I may have to hit the gym or something before shifts just to build up the energy and tolerance to patiently get through my shift. I just hope they don't start treating me like I'm the special ed kid or something because of it.

Back to the present...

On the school front, I'm slowly but surely coming into my own. I had a few meetings within the past week and I learned that some of the things that I was counting upon, like doing my independent study and graduating on time are not going to happen the way I anticipated, but I'm just going to make the most of it and try to stick it out.... and develop some contingency plans. The most direct route will require an additional 6 years of school, but perhaps I can come up with something that is better suited to my needs. I don't know. We'll get it figured out. Or at least I can try. I may just do it and go for the dual degree, but I don't know how I'd be able to afford an additional 2 years of school, so if anyone has any ideas on how to accomplish that I'd be open to suggestions on that as well.

My classes are enjoyable, particularly the math and chinese [my most difficult subjects] at least for right now. Tech is a godsend. We watched a video on environmental intelligence and the impacts of sustainable design on industry and it was an affirmation for why i had chosen to do the things that i'd wanted to do. now i just need to fine tune my specifications for getting there and find more videos to watch along that area whenever i'm feeling overwhelmed or burnt out. the excitement of it makes me want to get out of bed in the morning. Yay! The people, are cool. They respect that I'm busy, and when I can make the time they enrich my experience, so I'm pleased with that. Even the instructors provide the attention that I need and they have some excellent resources to help me determine how to best accomadate my transition and educational needs. I couldn't tell you how the other stuff works though because I really haven't had the time to explore it.

It's just as well. I am on a very specific path, and these things are merely obstacles. I have made a committment not to settle for anything less than what is best for me. Perhaps if I remember that it will be the affirmation I will be able to use as my guide. So how do I determine that? Should I stick it out or seek something else? I suppose the best thing I can do is wait and see how things play out Thurday and then I'll be more equipped to decide.

Uggghhhh.... too tired to move

That's pretty bad when people ask you how your classes are doing and all you can do is make "the face." I was looking for a pic to use to represent that but this is MUCH funnier...

man, i didn't even finish my poem... i started it yesterday and forgot all about it... let's see if I can finish it now

"yeah, I totally used a screen bean..."

A Deep Breath
stopping for a moment
Really taking time to breathe
getting all of it together
just to set my mind at ease

but it's only for a moment
cause there's so much to get done
every choice and actio matters
and their merit counts a ton

from the planning, from the worry
it feels good to take a break
and pretend i'm sipping lattes
or i'm lounging by a lake

as i play death cab for cutie
from my laptop and relax
and i veg out and i mellow
and survive this heart attack

i've been having, just to keep up
trying to keep my head afloat
no time for crying, or realizing
there's no more time for the remote

but as i sit here contemplating
all the work piled on the shelf
i am happy, appreciative
that i made time for myself

stopping for a moment
Really taking time to breath
getting all of it together
just to set my mind at ease

but it's only for a moment
cause there's so much to get done
i am honored still to do it
cause i've earned it; i'll take one [i suppose...]

yeah, that's how my week has been. hectic, but in a good way.... i think i'm going to take a nap.... i'm not quite sure what the objection would be... i don't have anything to f*ckin prove...

"i don't have to f*ckin impress you..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aww, man. evidently I needed some sort of rest. I just woke up [12:48 am]. I was supposed to go to this campus party and had called myself taking a nap, but at some point, when my alarm woke me up I determined that it was not morning and therefore I could lie around for a few minutes and lo and behold.....

that's pretty interesting that i chose to honor my body's needs rather than socialize because i really wanted to do both [that was my attempt to try and engage in both activities], but i'd kind of felt this morning that it was going to be very soon before i eventually crashed. i'm old and not used to this level of activity...

No, but seriously... The need to rejuvenate is really important. I've been needing to do a post about this and even have the beginning parts of posts set up, but we often fail to realize what an impact it has on our ability to function when we just take the time out for ourselves to get some rest, let our minds rest and our bodies heal so that we can build the strength we need to fully maximize our potential and capacity to work.

Ironically, we were talking about maintenance in tech today, and i never even thought to make the correlation until this evening. Preventative maintenance, routine maintenance, diagnostics, calibration and so on or crucial procedures in making sure that any piece of machinery works well. Similarly, diet [preventative], studying [routine], checkups, both mental and physical[diagnostics], and exercise [calibration] and all sorts of rudimentary testing is absolutely necessary to ensure that we will be able to do all or a good portion of what we have set out to do.

Many people wait until there is a problem in one of those areas; particularly once they've been unleashed from home from the first time, before they ever look to attend to these areas, and I am no exception. I'd been making myself go to bed on time, due to medical reasons, but even still, my mind kept me in that mode of having to only get 6 hours of sleep a night. Which could be cool, but my diet isn't calibrated as well as it had been and I cram a lot of activities into a single day. In the past 72 hours my schedule has been like this, and this hasn't included coordinating office hours, downloading software, studying, panicking, library time, meals and so on.... I've had to get up every morning and set aside time, unless I can squeeze it in to coordinate my schedule [electronically... and then transfer to my calendar, since the software won't send reminders to my phone like i tried to program it to] so that I can just fit all of the hours into the day. Here is what the past few days have looked like:

Wednesday
9:30am math 115
1pm chinese 101
3pm tech 110
5:30pm private percussion lessons

• 8:30pm afro latin percussio ensemble
• 
  

• Thursday
• 8am pick up add form for afro latin percussio
• 9am breakfast
  10am gstr 110
  12pm turn in private lesson form/ add drop
  1pm middle eastern festival
  2pm counseling services
  4:30pm labor assignment
  8pm study chinese
  8:30pm residence hall meeting
  
  Friday
  
  9:30am mth 115
  1pm ch1 101
  3pm tec 110
  5:15pm grocery shopping
  7pm suite meeting
  10pm the underground

To my surprise, the only thing that didn't get done is the shopping and the underground thing and that was more or less due to scheduling conflicts and the fact that i crashed than anything else. I got everything else done despite the interruptions and did some amazing things to make sure that it got that way. Who else but me would have been like OMG I totally can't remember these chinese phrases.... since the dvd and the flash cards aren't working, let me download a few programs so that i can convert the files to mp3 files and upload them to my player and that way i can just walk around and recite them...? I'm just saying, that takes freakin ingenuity and dedication.

I am also struggling to figure out what to do about the voice recorder for my math class. Hopefull if I get an assignment or two ahead I won't miss anything else, but you never know. I rented one today for $8 and uploaded the lesson on my computer using audacity. I had never used it before, but it really helped me kill two birds with one stone. It's like 2:20 am and I've got a pilates core workout in the morning [well later]. the problem is, i'm not sleepy. i let one of my books to my classmates so i guess i could do one of the other assignments, after i make some tea. i'd rather do my math homework in the open air and sunday will be spent cramming. i tried to do my tech assignment right after class today, so that i wouldn't have to think about it this weekend, but i ended up having to email the professor for further clarification...

Does a turbine count as a turbine engine? Is there some other terminology for reciprocating pumps? The only resources in the library insert them as blurbs when talking about rotary pumps or microturbines [and even the larger ones] but i'm not entirely sure if that's the same thing [because it has fans], or if he actually wants me to write about an engine with pistons. then i read something about compressors, so i got a little mixed up. maybe it's in the book.... this is why it's always good to read ahead. it's not due until monday, but they scheduled me to work a double in food services on sunday [which is bullsh*t cause i had planned on using it as primarily a study day to give me the opportunity to take care of some logistical stuff today].

Anyway, there's this concert they're throwing from some group called "the sickest kids you know" or something. clearly i don't know who they are and am cool about skipping it. i think i'm gonna go check out the local coffee shop and hangout and try to get some work done. word on the street is that they do quite a bit of indie stuff there, so that could be fun to check out... i guess i'll tackle this writing assignment and see if i can find some material on power and mechanical systems for an hour or two. it'll be a few less things to worry about trying to cram into my weekend...

Quotes that could have gone with that picture: Which one would you have preferred?

• “I try to live what I consider a "poetic existence." That means I take responsibility for the air I breathe and the space I take up. I try to be immediate, to be totally present for all my work.”
  Maya Angelou

• “We are alone, with no excuses. That is the idea I shall try to convey when I say that man is condemned to be free. Condemned, because he did not create himself, yet, in other respects is free; because, once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”
  Jean-Paul Sartre

• "With great power comes great responsibility"
  Uncle Ben from Spiderman

Hit me back and let me know which one you like best....